I love my feasib groupmates. Palaban hahaha

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Regrets?

I’m regretting that I didn’t start this blog and I didn’t take journaling seriously earlier. I’ve been to a lot of places last year and I didn’t get to write about it because I’m not writing passionately at that time.

I’ve done a lot of adventurous things and I didn’t get to express the memories and the thrilling feeling through words.

I guess I just have to do more things, go to more breathtaking places and make extraordinary memories to write about.

I don’t know

Haven’t been writing diligently for the past few days, I’ve been sick, I’ve been worried, I enjoy things but I haven’t written anything about everything just yet.

I don’t know why but I’m back at feeling lost and weary. I shouldn’t be, really. I’ve been wanting to write but is it the circumstances? or is it just me, that’s not doing the things that I promised to do and proclaimed to love? I’ve been slacking a lot and because of that I’ve been uneasy. It just feels like something will go wrong. I don’t want to feel this way. I want it to stop but it just wont. I tried diverting my attention. I hang out with friends, read stories on Wattpad but after doing everything I’m back at thinking, again. I want to released my frustrations but I don’t know what my frustrations are.

Why am I struggling like this, do I not like this path that I’m taking? Is it independence, that I’m seeking? Why? What is it that I really want? What is really my problem? What are my frustrations? What am I feeling? I don’t know.

360° train of thoughts

I’ve been sick these past few days so I haven’t been posting here. I’m also very distracted nowadays that I’ve been neglecting not just my writings but also my school works. I’ve been procrastinating a lot and now all that’s left are regrets because of my own irresponsibility. I’m scared of what will happen especially in my taxation subject but I have to accept whatever the outcome will be since it’s my own fault that I’m feeling this way, because of my own irresponsibility and just being lazy in general. I have to do a lot of things now because I’ve been chilling for the past few days and now, I have to face the repercussions of my past actions.

I do feel really bad about myself, I’m such a disappointment. haayysss I tried to divert my attention, tried do different things to avoid thinking about it but you know that’s one of the hardest things to do… to stop thinking about the things that your mind wants to. It’s depressing.

In the future there will be a lot more disappointing things that I will do, I just hope that when mistake happens I would be able to accept it and learn from it, unlike now.

I may be a self-proclaimed optimistic person but there’s a lot of pessimistic thoughts going through my head and it scares me that there may come a time where the negative side of me will overpower my positivity. I hope not.

 

What I’m grateful for this past few days

In life there are a lot of sadness, problems and anger that sometimes we were very focused on those negativity rather than the positive things. So I told myself to start noticing the little things that makes me happy and thankful because we can see the beauty of life/in everything if we look at it on a positive view.

Things that I’m grateful for…

  • My cousins in Manila

I’ve got to bond with my cousins on my Father’s side which happens once in a while and will not happen for a very long time since one of them will go back to Dubai for work so it will be hard for us to meet for a while but at least we’ve got a chance to do something before he goes abroad.

  • 1st year HS classmates mini reunion

I know that the reason why we were able to get together is not something to be celebrated (we meet up because our adviser passed away) but I’m still thankful because we were able to bond, reminisce about the past and catch up with each other.

  • Enlightenment

Some youth in our church (including me) decided to join a youth fellowship and I just feel enlightened, privileged and thankful that I’m in our church after listening to their teachings (I’m not gonna go in full details).

  • A time for schooling rest

I do feel that this past few days was a mini break from school. Classes are suspended because of the typhoon. I feel relaxed in a way since there weren’t any school works to think about, the prelims are over and I love rains especially the sound of it, it’s relaxing.

  • My fangirl heart is happy

I was able to buy the magazine that featured one of my favorite authors, Jonaxx. Though I haven’t found her book (Heartless) under her own imprint (Majesty Press) yet, I’m still happy.