That Summer

It was summer of 2010 when we met.

We liked the same band, listen to the same song. I remember we used to recite the lyrics to Mayday Parade’s Jamie all over and we used to jam to Jason Mraz’s Lucky, with you playing the guitar while I sing. I remember how I’m very eager to learn how to play guitar just so we can copy Depapepe even though we never sounded like them.

We acted like lovers but we’re labeled as friends. I get jealous when you’re with other girls and you get jealous when I hang out with other boys, even if they’re your friends. You told me to never act the same way I act with you to others because they might feel the emotions that you’re feeling when you’re with me.

So at the 18th day of the 8th month, we became official.

Then college happened, we have our dreams that we wanted to chase, our priorities changed. Suddenly the world becomes wider. We fight because of little things and time became our biggest enemy. We realized that we might be rushing things, that this emotion might not be love yet. Maybe, we just liked each other because we haven’t explored the world yet. Maybe we were just so into the fantasy of love that we forgot that there are still a lot of places to explore and a lot of people to meet and interact with. Maybe we were just enticed into believing that the summer after high school was the most beautiful moment of our life.

Adult says that there is more to life than just romantic love, so we’ve decided to give each other space. That if we really are destined for each other, no distance, time, dreams and people will hinder our love for each other. If we’re really meant to be together we will find our way back to each other.

So, we walk on two separate ways. You walk towards your dreams and I walk towards mine, slowly achieving it, being near it, but farther and away from you.

It was hard. I had thoughts about giving up but I told myself that it will be fine. We’ve come this far, this is both for us, for our future. We can’t be too focus on our relationship and be the reason to our downfall. We have to grow, We have to be successful so that we can both be proud of ourselves. To prove that we will be the best version of ourselves for each other.

Then years after being away from you with no chat, no comment, no call, text or other forms of communication, I came back. The dreams that I’ve reached, the success that I’ve achieved, I’ve realized that they’re insignificant without you. I came back even with the thought that you might’ve found someone else. I came back, because I believe that the summer after high school was the most beautiful moment of our life.

 

My heart’s beating rapidly as I walk towards you, opposite to what we did years ago. Tears flowing from my eyes mirroring yours from across the room.

You smiled at me when I reached you and whispered “After years of waiting, finally you’re mine.” then we faced Him, the author of our life. To finally become one and to thank Him for bringing us back to each other’s arms.

So now, we’ll continue achieving our dreams. Only this time, we’ll be together.

It was the summer of 2017, when the most beautiful moment of our life changed to that summer where we became one.

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Current Obsessions

Since I’ve run out of things to say and rant about in this blog and I do feel obliged to post something in here — because that’s the promise that I’ve made to myself so that in the future I will have something to reminisce and laugh about –, I’ll talk about my current obsessions.

  1. The first one would be my love for Jess and Gabriel.

– ย I happen to stumble upon this YouTube couple this last few days. I mean I’ve known Gabriel ever since his Vines and Facebook days and I’m very well aware about him getting married. But I haven’t watched any of their YouTube vlogs/videos before until I’ve read Just the Strings by beeyotch. But I haven’t binge watch their vlogs since I’m very focused on finding something to read during that time.

Now, after watching a couple of their vlogs — together and separately — I’m very proud to call myself a part of the ConTeam! hahahaha. They’re goals! And I love how Gabriel edit his videos.

2. MarCia ftw!

– Another ship! I found out about this MarCia ship on twitter, they are 2 Wattpad authors Marco Jose and Seeyara. I guess this ship started after MIBF and their fellow authors started this ship. Though the ship didn’t last that long.

3. Playing Melodica

– Well, well, well… I’ve found another musical instrument to play! My sister bought a melodica last, last week because she was inspired by a YouTuber LilyPichu and being a bandwagon that I am I also ask her to buy me one. It’s fun to play but it bothers a lot of people when I’m practicing so I have to find a secluded place just to be able to play it. But all in all I love it!

4. Magnetic Bookmarks

– I’ve been looking for magnetic stripe since I want to make my own magnetic bookmarks but I haven’t found one. I really, really want to make one, too bad I can’t find the materials that I will need.

5. Avalon

– My friend/classmate taught us about this game and we’ve been playing this in school for 2-3 weeks? It’s fun to play though until now I don’t think we’re playing it right.

6. Jack Frost! (The Rise of The Guardian)

– My love for Jack Frost suddenly came back after reading a Wattpad story based on him. And now, I’m planning to re-watch the movie so that I would be able to see him again hahaha.

I guess that’s all for my current obsessions!

 

Remain strong, Philippines.

Disappointing.

The current government of this country, I’m starting to find it disappointing. I was one of the majority who put our country into this mess and yes, I’m regretting it. This is not what I expected actually. I was supportive on this “war of drugs” before, since I believe that it will help the country be crime less in the future. As you’ve noticed, during the first few months of the Duterte administration there were a lot of drug addicts who surrendered in fear of their life. And through that I see light, thinking that I made the right choice.

But then I started reading news about killings and at first I was like “They deserved it” but then I realized that they weren’t really sure if the person they killed was an addict. (And they keep on making this “naglaban” act which is — I don’t know — unbelievable?)

 

Still, I was pro-this administration. I’m still holding on, that it will help in making our country clean, although bloody. So I’m like “believe him” because I do see his care and love for the Philippines.

But you see, I don’t know what to believe anymore. I don’t know who to listen to. I don’t know what’s real or what’s not. And yes, I am disappointed with what’s happening in our country.

Although I still want to be optimistic about this administration it’s hard to find that light. But being the positive person I am, I will still hope that maybe, just maybe it will be worth it and we’ll get through this.

To my beloved country,

I’m sorry that you’re experiencing this pain but I know that you’re strong enough. This will pass and I hoped, will hope and still hoping for a better future for the Philippines.

When will I not care?

When will I not care? About how people will see me, how I would be accepted, and how others will reject me. About everything that requires acknowledgement from other people. I’m contradicting myself saying that it wouldn’t matter but deep inside it does and I don’t like it, being a hypocrite saying, writing, sharing words opposite to what I really feel because that is what I think that will be accepted by the majority, the society, the people.

I don’t usually agree with myself, I’m torn between choosing what’s right and what I want, and it’s frustrating. This is my biggest dilemma, do I follow my heart and desires? or do I follow the norms that the society injected and be ethically right?

I’m in a state of confusion. I wanted to be able to express myself freely but I’m still bound by this shackle called fear. I’m afraid that by expressing myself, people will hate me because what I think what’s right might be contradicting to them and vice versa.

So when will I stop caring? Because right now, the freedom of speech that we have is also the restriction that is limiting us to express our thoughts and ideas freely.

 

Ways to De-Stress After a Bad Day

So much for a stressful day! This is just what I needed ๐Ÿ˜Š

Breathe, April.

I saw a tweet from a reader asking for quote to deal with stress. This post isnโ€™t a quote but I like to share my ways to de-stress after a bad or tiring day. Enjoy and I hope it helps.

๐Ÿƒ Warm shower

โ€“ The soothing warmth instantly calms our body.

๐Ÿƒ Wear your best sleepwear.

โ€“ For home buddies like me, our room is our sanctuary. Itโ€™s where we spend most of our time. So invest in good pajamas and sleepwear. The instant pop of color on your starry night pull over or the comfiness of your pizza printed pjs can instantly give you cozy feeling.

๐Ÿƒ Night routine

โ€“ A lot of us have routines before we go to sleep. From putting beauty products to organizing our bed. Whatever your routine is, you must do it mindfully to divert your thoughts away from the anxious feeling.

๐Ÿƒ Music

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A light in the darkness

I used to think that college students are over-reacting when they say stuff about how hard being a college student is. Even when I was already in college I used to think that, “it’s not even hard”, “it’s not even stressful” and “college is just like high school”. But now I am eating those words. College is stressful! I’m even lucky that I only get to experience this harsh college life during my last year, how much more those people who’s course is obviously more effort-inducing than mine and has been experiencing this harshness since their early years. Aaaauughh!! I don’t think that I can take that. Even thinking about it makes me exhausted.

But you see in every problem there’s a solution, in every shortcomings and mistakes there’s learning and in every darkness there’s a light. For me these words are an actual representation of how this last few days were like for me. I feel hopeless and I’m on the verge of giving up. I’m actually considering on suggesting to change the business for our feasib but I was motivated to fight for it because of how optimistic my group mates are about this problem.

And now we’re actually seeing the light, it’s within reach we just have to work harder to obtain it and when we does, it will be rewarding.

A really messed up week

Last week has been a really, really messed up week (It’s not seven days of torture and bitter though, but you got what I mean eh?). I mean it started good but ended up stressful. Let me tell you the stressful part…

It all started when my group mates and I went to our professor for the checking of our Feasibility Study. Before going to the checking we were actually excited since we’re almost finish. But boy! we let our guard down. When we’re at the faculty we were bombarded with questions that we did not anticipate which led us to a corner (literally and figuratively).

But first, let me enlighten you about Feasibility Study. This study is usually given to Business students, you have to make your own innovative, unique and feasible business, and just like any other thesis you have to defend it to the panels. So our business was supposedly a “Public Transportation Business”. It’s a bus with massage chairs as seats to provide a comfortable travel to the consumers. We’re actually very proud of our concept since it is actually unique but due to our lack of knowledge about Public Utility Buses we encounter our biggest problem, “The Franchise”. Well you see PUB’s cannot actually start their operations without this “Franchise” it determines their route and without it, they will be illegal or colorum (as what they call it). You might be thinking, what’s the problem there? then just get a franchise right? Then problem solved. No! that’s not how it goes, it is actually a lot of work.

A franchise would cost a lot of money and it has a required number of units which is 15, meaning we cannot have a franchise with just 2 units (our planned number of buses). But we solved that! no problem, we can file for a franchise with only 2 units and if approved we can rent the franchise to those people who have bus but doesn’t have a franchise for us to be able to complete the 15 units requirement, easy. So our group went to LTFRB to ask about how much would a bus franchise cost. And here comes the biggest problem that shook our entire group. We were told that LTFRB’s bus franchise is no longer available since 2003 because there are a lot of bus company in the Philippines already. So now, we’re back to zero.

But since LTFRB is very accommodating, they allow us for a quick interview regarding our problem. They answer our questions, gave us information and suggestions and through that we were able to solve our problem. Although there’s still a lot of revisions to do at least we are now positive about our defense.