New Year’s… (Late, I Know)

It’s been a while since the last time that I’ve written(post) anything. Busy? Not. I wouldn’t consider myself busy, just preoccupied with my internship. Anyway, it’s already 2018 and I just want to talk about my plans this year (kinda like a New Year’s resolution).

First. Health. I want to consult an opthalmologist, I wanted to take care of myself more this year.

Second. Adulting. Trying to lool for a company so that when I graduated, I already have a lot of prospect companies to apply to.

Third. Adulting Part II. I want to be more independent this year. Since I would be graduating, I wanted to be less dependent to my parents and my sisters. I want to be able to stand by myself.

Fourth. Unwind. I hope this year I would be able to find time to unwind and relax. I guess you can call this soul searching. I feel like I needed this one the most. I really feel lost right now and I wanted to find myself.

Fifth. Improve my attitude. I know this will take time but I have 12 months to cover this plan, right? I want to be more confident. They say (or I’m making this up) confidence is a woman’s beauty. I wanted to be confident in myself that I would have the courage to face people without embarrassing myself because I can’t even speak. Not just being confident, I also want to stop being judgmental and you know all those attitudes that I don’t like seeing in other people. And me having that kind of attitude makes me a hypocrite, right?

Sixth. Happiness. I know the negative side of things will always be there, life is not always bright and the world is full of pessimism but I wanted to be the person who will be optimistic, in this world full of negativity. I know that there will come a time where I will feel really bad and sad about certain things but I want to appreciate the happiness more than the loneliness. Life is full of uncertainty, but let’s count the bliss, not the sorrow.

I guess that’s all for my first ever 2018 blog post. I hope for more good days and even if it’s not, let’s make every day worthwhile.

Edit: upon checking, I saw that this is not my first ever 2018 post. stupid me 😂😂. 

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Nugatory

I’m terrified in making mistakes and receiving criticisms because of it. I know that I should suck it up and see my mistakes as an opportunity to be better but that’s not the case, I usually sulk and lost my will and motivation to do things.

This is what I’ve realized just recently, that I’m the kind of person who needs to hear constant compliments, and if I ever hear negative feedbacks about what I did, my world will come crashing down. I find it hard to accept that the thing that I worked hard for hours/days isn’t done correctly. Then I’ll looked back and blame myself for not doing it properly and would waste my time thinking of the excuse that I’ll be using so that my not-so-satisfiable work would be justified. Which I think is not a very nice attitude to have. Let’s just say that I don’t take criticisms very well.

I’m not an overachiever person. If there is any adjective that would best describe my skills it would be mediocre. So I shouldn’t have this kind of thinking, but you see, I deemed myself as a person who wants to be recognized, who wants to be superior, who wants to be on top. Leading to these thoughts of me, being a disappointment.

I see myself as a coward. I’m anxious about the future. I’m scared of the things that may possibly happen. I’m afraid because I made a mistake and I know that I’ll be facing the aftermath of my own doings.

I’m making this look like I did something really bad when it’s trivial, it’s just that my overthinking self starts bothering me again, making me worry even though there’s nothing to worry about. Well it’s okay after letting it all out here (writing), I’ll be fine.

And so, I wanted to be able to change that perspective, I want to be able to accept negative words thrown at me positively. Of course I don’t know where to start, but I would be able to. I hope!