How can I?

I hate me now

For forcing myself to you.

When you clearly don’t feel the butterflies,

And your heart doesn’t react anymore.

I hate me now,

That you’re guilty for feeling that way

I gave all of my love away,

But why does your heart still change?

 

Baby, I tell you how much I love you

But every time that I do,

I see the way your countenance change.

Baby, I looked at you,

And know, it’s hard for you to tell me that it’s over.

Sorry.

 

How can I say?

That you’re the reason for my happiness,

When I’m the cause of your remorse?

How can I tell you to stay?

When your heart barely wants to hold on,

And you clearly wanted to move on.

How can I?

 

 

I hate you now.

Why can’t you love me the way I love you?

What will your apology do?

Can it heal my heart or would you

 

Hate me now?

Because I already figured it out,

With the way that you looked at me,

And the indifference that you’ve shown me.

How can I not notice that something has change?

 

Baby, I tell you how much I love you

But every time that I do,

I see the way your countenance change.

Baby, I looked at you,

And know, it’s hard for you to tell me that it’s over.

Sorry.

 

How can I say?

That you’re the reason for my happiness,

When I’m the cause of your remorse?

How can I tell you to stay?

When your heart barely wants to hold on,

And you clearly wanted to move on.

How can I say?

 

You don’t love me no more.

You don’t love me no more.

How can your heart change when I treasure it the most?

You don’t love me no more.

How can I accept that

You can’t love me no more.

 

How can I?

__________________________________________________________

P.S

If you’re a Kpop fan you probably noticed the Day6 reference of this composition. Well that’s because I’ve written this as an answer kinda? to Day6’s How can I say.

When I heard the song, I was first drawn by it’s melody, but when I read the English translation, I fell in love with it! I just appreciate it more when I already know what the song is about and I’ve always wanted to write something that talks about falling out of love in the perception of the person who falls out of love (which I still haven’t done) because I’m really curious about it. So imagine my feels when I read the lyrics, it’s uncontainable!

I actually wanted to write this composition way, way before when the song was first released but didn’t find the right time to really write it.

Anyway, I already did and I hoped that I bring justice to the original lyrics although I know that I still have a super looong way to go.

 

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November

I haven’t been writing/posting in here for a long time. I’m not really that busy though. It’s just that I’ve already start my internship last week and the week before that was dedicated in getting all my requirements and enrollment. I told myself that I’ll follow a schedule of when to write but then I find it hard to find time. I remember when I first started I post a schedule of when I’ll update this blog but I didn’t even follow it. So I think I’ll just keep my schedule to my self and silently follow it.

Going back to the things that I’ve been doing for these past few days. I already start my internship last Tuesday and so far I’ve been enjoying it. I get to meet new people and I love the fact that it didn’t take that long for me to find someone to hang out with — I usually couldn’t hang out with people that I just met –. I get to see celebrities too since I’m doing my internship at a TV network.

I also get to experience the harsh reality of commuting. I actually don’t have any problems in transportation when I’m going to the office but when I’m going home it’s a disaster! My first two days of going home from the office was a nightmare. All the jeepney’s are full so I have to wait for a long time to get a ride. The second day of commuting from the office to home was probably on the top 5 of my most embarrassing moments! I rode a full-looking jeepney because the driver said that it still has seats for passengers so I tried to sit — during the process of me finding a sit, the jeepney already move — but you see, I TRIED to sit, the problem was there’s no place to sit so I keep pretending that I was okay and I’m sitting when the truth is I’m using my leg power to survive! But I couldn’t hold on for that long since I’m already tired from of my internship so I’ve decided to just sit on the jeepney floor which is more comfortable than pretending to sit. The lady sitting across from me looks like she wanted to do something so that I can sit, she kept asking a guy passenger to give me some space but I told her that it was okay. During that time I couldn’t look up at all because of the embarrassment. Anyway, I already found an alternative so that I can go home comfortably although it’s a little bit pricey but atleast I wouldn’t be having that kind of trouble again.

On a different note, I’ve been addicted to online shopping nowadays I just love the feeling of waiting and receiving a package. So all in all I ordered 5 books, a bag, a watch, and a planner. Is that too much? I wanted to buy more but you know, money.

Another thing that I did last week was to get a PSA copy of my birth certificate since I needed it for my passport appointment. I actually have the NSO copy of my birth certificate but I read online that the NSO copy is not accepted anymore and that they only accept the PSA copy.

I guess that’s all for today’s post. I need to edit my internship narrative report now so byeee…

Last Hurrah…

 

Yesterday, my friends and I decided to go out and enjoy as a present to ourselves for the stressed and school work problems that we’ve overcome over the semester. And this will be the last time that we’ll be able to do so since the group will probably be busy in our own way because we will now be starting our internship.

Anyways, we’ve decided to go for a swim and since it was planned for a long time — We’ve been planning this get-together swimming since August? I think. — we expected that the group will be complete on the said event. Honestly, when we were on the planning stage, I really don’t have any intention to go swimming, I’ve been making excuses so that my friends would change the plan to something else but it was not successful so I’ve decided to just go. But if you think that the plan will go smoothly just because it was discussed for a long time, of course you’re wrong. Because a group will always have that missing-in-action friend or friends that you would rarely find in a group-planned events.

But anyway, even with a 2 missing people in our group we were still able to enjoy the activity. We take pictures and videos underwater — shoutout to my friend, Em who keeps chatting me for the copy –. We played games, sing songs, and basically tire ourselves out. It actually feels like a family vacation during summer. We had a lot of foods that we actually need to take some home to avoid spoilage. It was really fun.

It might be the last time that we got to hang out as students since the next one would probably be our graduation, and I plan to treasure this moments as a really wonderful memories that makes my college life more memorable.

Last week, I realized that I won’t be able to use my school uniform anymore and it makes me emotional. It’s shallow but I’m thinking that if with just a school uniform I already feel emotional and on the verge of crying what more during graduation? I feel like I’ll cry my heart out.

Anyhoo, I’ll definitely miss my college friends. You guys are one of the reasons why I didn’t give up this course even though I’m super close to shifting. You definitely make me enjoy my decision of staying and you bring out the most beautiful memories of my college life. I hope in the future we can still find time to bond and hang out with each other even with our busy schedules. I wish that you guys will find happiness, success and contentment with your different endeavors. I want to say Happy G_________ but I’ll probably say it when that time comes.

I love you guys! mwah!

 

Enjoy affordable Travels!

I love going on adventures, I especially am drawn to thrilling experiences. One of my most exciting experience was the canyoneering in Cebu. Swimming, sliding and jumping from falls to falls really pumps up my adrenaline.

The different sceneries, the ambiance and the memories are the things that makes traveling worthwhile.

But although I do love going to different places to make memories, we all know that traveling can be very pricey. And since I’m still a student, I don’t have enough money for traveling and it is one of my biggest frustrations!

Until now, I haven’t paid my sister for the money that I borrowed from her when we went to Cebu, It’s embarrassing. Don’t worry dear sister I’ll pay you after I graduate!

But the good thing was, I found an online travel agency that would answer my needs and wants in traveling. They offer budget-friendly hotel accommodations and tour destinations that makes traveling more affordable for us!

How cool is that? I just wish that I discover travelbook.ph before we went to Cebu, in that case I wouldn’t have a big debt to my sister.

But anyways, If you have plans to visit the Philippines or if you’re already in the Philippines but want to explore the country. You don’t have to worry, I got your back. I have a TravelBook.ph badge that you can click and it will automatically lead you to the travelbook.ph website where you can search for hotel accommodations and tour destinations that travelbook has for your easy searching. You can find the badge at the right side of my site(the sidebar) if you’re using a desktop, but if you’re using phone you can find it at the bottom of my every post — it’s under the “Looking for Something?” search bar.

I hope that you will be able to find the site helpful for your travel.

Happy Booking!

Life is worth living!

I know that I’m in no way authorized or rightful to write or talk about this certain topic, as I’ve never experience and knew no one who had experience this psychological melancholy that they call depression. But I do feel the need to do something and help raise people’s awareness regarding this topic.

Recently, depression is one of the most talked about issue in the Philippines. From a very well-known personality’s opinion about it, continuing to the world mental health day and it’s saddening that because of this, lives are being taken away from their love ones.

As what I’ve written earlier, I personally have no 1st or 2nd hand experience about this issue. I grew up to be a happy-go-lucky, go with the flow, enjoy life person. I mean I do overthink occasionally, but over the time I tend to forget about my problems and move on, though I remember posting here about my frustrations in life but yeah I do tend to not think about it anymore after expressing/writing about it — one of the reasons why I write –.

So even though I’m inexperienced I do hope that you’ll take this blog post seriously since mental health is not something to be taken lightly. Though I may sound ignorant with whatever I’m going to write in here, I hope that I may be of help to someone — who happens to stumble upon and read this post — that’s experiencing depression.

I won’t talk about how you can overcome it, since I myself wouldn’t know how. But I just wanted to be here for someone who feels or believe that no one will ever listen to them, or no one cares or that they don’t matter because someone will listen, someone will care and you matter. It might sound cliché but it’s true.

I’m posting this to support and that hopefully I can be of help with the little things that I can do. To let you know that someone out there is willing to lend their hands (and ears), willing to listen and someone who cares. The world is huge, You will be able to find someone who is zealous to be your anchor. They may be near or far from you physically but they care so please do not shut yourself off of people who are willing to be there for you.

Life is beautiful. Remember the joy, the good things. Your favorite things, your favorite books, scent, your favorite person. Isn’t it wonderful? I know you might feel that dying would be the best solution since you already feel dead inside but I want to tell you that there are a lot of great things out there that will make you feel and love living.

I will list down songs in here and if you ever feel down, left out, alone and unloved. Please listen to these songs, close your eyes and let the lyrics speak to you.

1. Life is beautiful – The Afters
2. The Words I would say – Sidewalk Prophets
3. By your side – Tenth Avenue North
4. You are loved (Don’t give up) – Josh Groban
5. Blessings – Laura Story
6. Gold – Britt Nicole
9. Shadowfeet – Brooke Fraser
10. Skyscraper – Demi Lovato
11. Fight Song – Rachel Platten
12. Life is worth living – Justin Bieber

And if you ever need someone to talk to, the Philippines has a “Depression and Suicide Prevention” hotline that you can call 24/7.

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If you’re not from the Philippines, HERE is a list of suicide hotlines worldwide.

You can also contact me here and on Twitter if you ever need someone to talk to. I’m willing to listen and a lot of people are too.

Be strong. Love yourself. You are precious, You are loved. You are saved.

Life is worth living and worth fighting for. You are are stronger than depression. Overcome it!

Season Finale

Finally! I’m down to my very last college exam. After this sem, I wouldn’t be going to school that often since I’ll start my internship this coming semester.

Thinking about it makes me emotional. It just that all my life I’ve been going to school and now thinking about me not being able to go to school, no quizzes, assignment, recitations, it’s a mix of sadness and excitement. It’s sad that another season — that I’ve been doing most of my life — of my story comes to an end but also exciting for another one will soon be starting.

*sigh* I will really miss school after graduating…