Two notebooks, Four months and 500 hours later…

Every ending is the beginning of another something (what? hahaha). I’ve already finished my 500 hours of internship in ABS-CBN. I would say this was a great experience and possibly one of the most memorable one. As what I’ve mentioned before, I never thought I would be able to become an intern to a very well-known company moreover a TV network. Seeing celebrities and all was a great experience but other than that, I would say that the things that I’ve learned and the knowledge that I’ve gained throughout the program was more valuable. It’s an incredible experience. I mean, photocopying, printing, compiling documents where the “common” internship experience and my sister told me that her college friends, who also did their internship in the network, told her that the only benefit that they get is that they saw celebrities, but their workload was mostly photocopying things and they didn’t get to be that expose in their course-related work. But that’s not the case for me, since we were ask to present proposals, we were involved in a brainstorming activity, we do product shots and we also handled online inquiries and events which is related to my course (Marketing).

I was really excited in finishing this internship since that would mean that I’m literally a “Grad waiting” student but separation anxiety sure strike hard. I can’t seem to leave the office and I find it hard to say goodbye. I remember looking back while walking away, I remember the happy faces through the glass door, I remember the laugh as they told me the iconic words that they always use to tease me and I remember holding back the tears that really want to leave these eyes. The hugs, the words of encouragement, the words of appreciation for what we’ve done for the past months might’ve been just words for them but I really took it to heart and it gives me motivation to strive harder. Congratulating us for our upcoming graduation, wishing us luck for our future endeavors it makes me feel important even if we’re just an intern.

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Wouldn’t be you

Do you know what’s worst?

 

It’s when you found out that he moved on.

 

When you’ve heard the story of how he had fought to keep his feelings,

Only for it to run away and leave him permanently.

It’s when you’ve realized that you’ve made the wrong decision to choose your dreams and grow first before him,

Just because you know that he’ll stay.

 

How you see him struggle through the poems that he had written,

Through the songs that he created

And through the words that he had spoken.

 

How every line pertains to you,

His love for you,

And all the emotions that he felt throughout the relationship.

 

How you find it hard listening to his newer songs,

Without realizing that the story wasn’t about his longing

And love for you anymore.

 

How he tell the story of his happiness that you happen

And that you will always be a part of who he was.

 

How he’s thankful for the love,

The hurt,

The memories that you’ve left.

 

How he’s fine with the way things happened,

Without bitterness, without sadness

Only acceptance, that your special participation in his story has ended.

 

How he brightly tell everyone how he WAS in love with you.

While you are STILL loving.

 

How you realized that in the future,

When you are still hoping for your happily ever after with him,

He already found the perfect woman.

 

And you will know through the songs that he will write,

That she will never leave,

She will choose to be with him while chasing her dreams,

And SHE wouldn’t be YOU…

 

 

…..

This is unsatisfactory, but atleast I tried 😂😂

 

Lies, Deception, Betrayal

Why do people lie?

You do good deeds to them but what do the repay you with? Betrayal. How can people have the audacity to deceive those who doesn’t deserve it. How can people who you trust so well, befriended for a long time do cruel things at your back while showing kindheartedness in front of you. Then in the long run twist the story and make you the villain.

Adults, how dare you teach children manners, respect, honesty and integrity when you do not even understand the meaning of it? How dare you tell us that “Honesty is the best policy” when you’re showing us lies, deception and betrayal? How dare you tell us the story of the “Little red riding hood” when you’re showing us the wolf wrapped up in human clothing? How dare you make us believe in fantasies and fairytale then break us with the harshness of reality? How dare you mold us to be an upright person then corrupt our minds when we grow up?

How does humans have the most inhumane characteristic in the world?

Greediness, as a child I was taught that it was never a positive attitude. I was told that kindness to others is a virtue. Growing up, I realized that the words “kindness to others” means being nice in front of them then stabbing them at the back.

I’m nearing the responsibilities and problems that the adults have been facing but I hope to not be like the ones that I’ve mentioned above, I don’t want to be like the ones that I’ve mentioned above.

I know, I’m not really a good person. Despite having a religious name, I have my share of bad deeds but I plan to live by with Tablo’s words,

“Robbing someone’s smile and putting it on your face doesn’t make you happy”. 

Life isn’t just about me. Eternal Life is living for others.

 

LANY Appreciation Post

Okay, first of all, I’m not joining the bandwagon–just stating, since there are a lot of people who criticizes late fans of a certain group/band just because they started liking them after they became mainstream.– Come on people! can we stop labeling everything. Can’t we just like the things, music, movies, books etc. without being criticized? Anyway, that’s not the topic that I want to talk about.

I first heard LANY through one of my favorite Wattpad author, Jonaxx. She was asked online on what LANY song is her favorite and she answered ILYSB. Of Course, I searched for it and fell in love with the band eversince, I even promoted them to my friend Cat, and found out that she also love them.

I supeeerrr love their lyrics and how they incorporated the music to match the song, and Paul’s voice just makes it better. I love listening to their songs when I’m feeling sentimental. I also find it easier to write something when listening to their songs.

Paul’s voice is really soothing and it brings so much feels, and when you listen to the lyrics you’ll definitely feel the emotion, for example in ILYSB, when he sang the Oh my heart hurts so good, I love you Babe, so bad  part, You would feel the love. I’m not sure about you but for me it really hit me in the feels and it makes me formulate an image of falling in love with the right person. I don’t know, maybe it’s just me.

When I’m looking for inspiration I usually listen to songs, and LANY will probably be next to Mayday Parade/Jason Lancaster on my list of singer/band to listen to.

If you want to listen to LANY’s songs I’d suggest to search “LANY playlist” on Youtube.

Before ending this post, let me tell you my current top 5 LANY songs. Other than my top 1, the others were like interchanging with their ranks.

My favorite LANY song would be HURTS. I am so in love with the lyrics of this song especially the I was just fine, if we didn’t work. But now, that you’re mine. The more I love, the more it hurts part. I find it romantic and heartbreaking at the same time. I think Paul’s way of expressing the song adds up to its charm.

My top 4, since it’s in no particular order I’ll just list it down.

  • ILYSB – of course the first ever LANY song that I’ve heard would be in my list. My favorite part of this song was the Iconic Oh my heart hurts so good, I love you Babe, so bad part I don’t know why I typed that again when I already typed it above hahaha
  • Pink Skies – this was the song that I would listen to when I’m inside a car on a way to somewhere looking at the open window and seeing the skies, the trees, the mountains and feeling the wind hit my face.
  • Super Far – this song is also on my “on-the-road/travel vlog songs” playlist. What I like in this song was the happy vibe that it has even though the lyrics wasn’t that happy. It has that contradicting charm.
  • Current Location – just like ILYSB and Hurts I love the lyrics of this song especially the Fly back to me, come back to me then stay with me line.

 

That’s all for my LANY Appreciation Post. If you’ve come this Super far (pun intended. sorry) on my post (and even if you didn’t) Thanks for reading!

New Year’s… (Late, I Know)

It’s been a while since the last time that I’ve written(post) anything. Busy? Not. I wouldn’t consider myself busy, just preoccupied with my internship. Anyway, it’s already 2018 and I just want to talk about my plans this year (kinda like a New Year’s resolution).

First. Health. I want to consult an opthalmologist, I wanted to take care of myself more this year.

Second. Adulting. Trying to lool for a company so that when I graduated, I already have a lot of prospect companies to apply to.

Third. Adulting Part II. I want to be more independent this year. Since I would be graduating, I wanted to be less dependent to my parents and my sisters. I want to be able to stand by myself.

Fourth. Unwind. I hope this year I would be able to find time to unwind and relax. I guess you can call this soul searching. I feel like I needed this one the most. I really feel lost right now and I wanted to find myself.

Fifth. Improve my attitude. I know this will take time but I have 12 months to cover this plan, right? I want to be more confident. They say (or I’m making this up) confidence is a woman’s beauty. I wanted to be confident in myself that I would have the courage to face people without embarrassing myself because I can’t even speak. Not just being confident, I also want to stop being judgmental and you know all those attitudes that I don’t like seeing in other people. And me having that kind of attitude makes me a hypocrite, right?

Sixth. Happiness. I know the negative side of things will always be there, life is not always bright and the world is full of pessimism but I wanted to be the person who will be optimistic, in this world full of negativity. I know that there will come a time where I will feel really bad and sad about certain things but I want to appreciate the happiness more than the loneliness. Life is full of uncertainty, but let’s count the bliss, not the sorrow.

I guess that’s all for my first ever 2018 blog post. I hope for more good days and even if it’s not, let’s make every day worthwhile.

Edit: upon checking, I saw that this is not my first ever 2018 post. stupid me 😂😂. 

Nugatory

I’m terrified in making mistakes and receiving criticisms because of it. I know that I should suck it up and see my mistakes as an opportunity to be better but that’s not the case, I usually sulk and lost my will and motivation to do things.

This is what I’ve realized just recently, that I’m the kind of person who needs to hear constant compliments, and if I ever hear negative feedbacks about what I did, my world will come crashing down. I find it hard to accept that the thing that I worked hard for hours/days isn’t done correctly. Then I’ll looked back and blame myself for not doing it properly and would waste my time thinking of the excuse that I’ll be using so that my not-so-satisfiable work would be justified. Which I think is not a very nice attitude to have. Let’s just say that I don’t take criticisms very well.

I’m not an overachiever person. If there is any adjective that would best describe my skills it would be mediocre. So I shouldn’t have this kind of thinking, but you see, I deemed myself as a person who wants to be recognized, who wants to be superior, who wants to be on top. Leading to these thoughts of me, being a disappointment.

I see myself as a coward. I’m anxious about the future. I’m scared of the things that may possibly happen. I’m afraid because I made a mistake and I know that I’ll be facing the aftermath of my own doings.

I’m making this look like I did something really bad when it’s trivial, it’s just that my overthinking self starts bothering me again, making me worry even though there’s nothing to worry about. Well it’s okay after letting it all out here (writing), I’ll be fine.

And so, I wanted to be able to change that perspective, I want to be able to accept negative words thrown at me positively. Of course I don’t know where to start, but I would be able to. I hope!

Jonghyun;

I admire you for holding up too well. You’ve fought well. Despite the pain, you managed to last long. It must be hard acting like your okay when you’re definitely not. Trying to be strong for others when you yourself can barely stand.

You did great. You’ve worked hard. You’ve hold on long enough to be an inspiration. I hope that you’ve found the serenity that you’re looking for.

You showed us colors when you’re world is black. You’ve shone light despite your own darkness. I guess you’ve fed the black dog too much, in the end it gets greedier that it swallows you instead.

You’ve done a good job fighting. I know it’s too bad that you didn’t get to achieve your happiness, but I guess it’s time for you to stop reaching for it. You’ve suffered enough so rest now, Jonghyun.

It’s hard to accept that we have to say goodbye but if saying goodbye will bring you peace, I will accept it with a heavy heart.

But if you want me to smile, I’ll smile for you.

You did well. You’ve worked hard. I’ve said it a lot of times, you have done a very great job

Rest in Peace, Jonghyun.