Wouldn’t be you

Do you know what’s worst?

 

It’s when you found out that he moved on.

 

When you’ve heard the story of how he had fought to keep his feelings,

Only for it to run away and leave him permanently.

It’s when you’ve realized that you’ve made the wrong decision to choose your dreams and grow first before him,

Just because you know that he’ll stay.

 

How you see him struggle through the poems that he had written,

Through the songs that he created

And through the words that he had spoken.

 

How every line pertains to you,

His love for you,

And all the emotions that he felt throughout the relationship.

 

How you find it hard listening to his newer songs,

Without realizing that the story wasn’t about his longing

And love for you anymore.

 

How he tell the story of his happiness that you happen

And that you will always be a part of who he was.

 

How he’s thankful for the love,

The hurt,

The memories that you’ve left.

 

How he’s fine with the way things happened,

Without bitterness, without sadness

Only acceptance, that your special participation in his story has ended.

 

How he brightly tell everyone how he WAS in love with you.

While you are STILL loving.

 

How you realized that in the future,

When you are still hoping for your happily ever after with him,

He already found the perfect woman.

 

And you will know through the songs that he will write,

That she will never leave,

She will choose to be with him while chasing her dreams,

And SHE wouldn’t be YOU…

 

 

…..

This is unsatisfactory, but atleast I tried 😂😂

 

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Lies, Deception, Betrayal

Why do people lie?

You do good deeds to them but what do the repay you with? Betrayal. How can people have the audacity to deceive those who doesn’t deserve it. How can people who you trust so well, befriended for a long time do cruel things at your back while showing kindheartedness in front of you. Then in the long run twist the story and make you the villain.

Adults, how dare you teach children manners, respect, honesty and integrity when you do not even understand the meaning of it? How dare you tell us that “Honesty is the best policy” when you’re showing us lies, deception and betrayal? How dare you tell us the story of the “Little red riding hood” when you’re showing us the wolf wrapped up in human clothing? How dare you make us believe in fantasies and fairytale then break us with the harshness of reality? How dare you mold us to be an upright person then corrupt our minds when we grow up?

How does humans have the most inhumane characteristic in the world?

Greediness, as a child I was taught that it was never a positive attitude. I was told that kindness to others is a virtue. Growing up, I realized that the words “kindness to others” means being nice in front of them then stabbing them at the back.

I’m nearing the responsibilities and problems that the adults have been facing but I hope to not be like the ones that I’ve mentioned above, I don’t want to be like the ones that I’ve mentioned above.

I know, I’m not really a good person. Despite having a religious name, I have my share of bad deeds but I plan to live by with Tablo’s words,

“Robbing someone’s smile and putting it on your face doesn’t make you happy”. 

Life isn’t just about me. Eternal Life is living for others.

 

How can I?

I hate me now

For forcing myself to you.

When you clearly don’t feel the butterflies,

And your heart doesn’t react anymore.

I hate me now,

That you’re guilty for feeling that way

I gave all of my love away,

But why does your heart still change?

 

Baby, I tell you how much I love you

But every time that I do,

I see the way your countenance change.

Baby, I looked at you,

And know, it’s hard for you to tell me that it’s over.

Sorry.

 

How can I say?

That you’re the reason for my happiness,

When I’m the cause of your remorse?

How can I tell you to stay?

When your heart barely wants to hold on,

And you clearly wanted to move on.

How can I?

 

 

I hate you now.

Why can’t you love me the way I love you?

What will your apology do?

Can it heal my heart or would you

 

Hate me now?

Because I already figured it out,

With the way that you looked at me,

And the indifference that you’ve shown me.

How can I not notice that something has change?

 

Baby, I tell you how much I love you

But every time that I do,

I see the way your countenance change.

Baby, I looked at you,

And know, it’s hard for you to tell me that it’s over.

Sorry.

 

How can I say?

That you’re the reason for my happiness,

When I’m the cause of your remorse?

How can I tell you to stay?

When your heart barely wants to hold on,

And you clearly wanted to move on.

How can I say?

 

You don’t love me no more.

You don’t love me no more.

How can your heart change when I treasure it the most?

You don’t love me no more.

How can I accept that

You can’t love me no more.

 

How can I?

__________________________________________________________

P.S

If you’re a Kpop fan you probably noticed the Day6 reference of this composition. Well that’s because I’ve written this as an answer kinda? to Day6’s How can I say.

When I heard the song, I was first drawn by it’s melody, but when I read the English translation, I fell in love with it! I just appreciate it more when I already know what the song is about and I’ve always wanted to write something that talks about falling out of love in the perception of the person who falls out of love (which I still haven’t done) because I’m really curious about it. So imagine my feels when I read the lyrics, it’s uncontainable!

I actually wanted to write this composition way, way before when the song was first released but didn’t find the right time to really write it.

Anyway, I already did and I hoped that I bring justice to the original lyrics although I know that I still have a super looong way to go.

 

That Summer

It was summer of 2010 when we met.

We liked the same band, listen to the same song. I remember we used to recite the lyrics to Mayday Parade’s Jamie all over and we used to jam to Jason Mraz’s Lucky, with you playing the guitar while I sing. I remember how I’m very eager to learn how to play guitar just so we can copy Depapepe even though we never sounded like them.

We acted like lovers but we’re labeled as friends. I get jealous when you’re with other girls and you get jealous when I hang out with other boys, even if they’re your friends. You told me to never act the same way I act with you to others because they might feel the emotions that you’re feeling when you’re with me.

So at the 18th day of the 8th month, we became official.

Then college happened, we have our dreams that we wanted to chase, our priorities changed. Suddenly the world becomes wider. We fight because of little things and time became our biggest enemy. We realized that we might be rushing things, that this emotion might not be love yet. Maybe, we just liked each other because we haven’t explored the world yet. Maybe we were just so into the fantasy of love that we forgot that there are still a lot of places to explore and a lot of people to meet and interact with. Maybe we were just enticed into believing that the summer after high school was the most beautiful moment of our life.

Adult says that there is more to life than just romantic love, so we’ve decided to give each other space. That if we really are destined for each other, no distance, time, dreams and people will hinder our love for each other. If we’re really meant to be together we will find our way back to each other.

So, we walk on two separate ways. You walk towards your dreams and I walk towards mine, slowly achieving it, being near it, but farther and away from you.

It was hard. I had thoughts about giving up but I told myself that it will be fine. We’ve come this far, this is both for us, for our future. We can’t be too focus on our relationship and be the reason to our downfall. We have to grow, We have to be successful so that we can both be proud of ourselves. To prove that we will be the best version of ourselves for each other.

Then years after being away from you with no chat, no comment, no call, text or other forms of communication, I came back. The dreams that I’ve reached, the success that I’ve achieved, I’ve realized that they’re insignificant without you. I came back even with the thought that you might’ve found someone else. I came back, because I believe that the summer after high school was the most beautiful moment of our life.

 

My heart’s beating rapidly as I walk towards you, opposite to what we did years ago. Tears flowing from my eyes mirroring yours from across the room.

You smiled at me when I reached you and whispered “After years of waiting, finally you’re mine.” then we faced Him, the author of our life. To finally become one and to thank Him for bringing us back to each other’s arms.

So now, we’ll continue achieving our dreams. Only this time, we’ll be together.

It was the summer of 2017, when the most beautiful moment of our life changed to that summer where we became one.

A letter to my working self

Hey!

I bet you’re making your own money now. I hope you’re not getting money from your parents anymore instead you’re the one giving it to them.

Please do not ever think that you’re above someone else just because you can earn by yourself now. Remember all the promises that you’ve made that you will always give back to those people who helps and need you. Please do not forget that you’re working not only for yourself but also for your family and your church.

Do not change, I mean Change for the better but never lose sight of your past. All your promises to yourself, please I that hope your keeping them. I believe that you’re doing what you love, you’re enjoying your job and you’re making your parents and the people who supported you proud but even if that’s not the case please remember the college student you, the 21 year old you is very proud with whatever path you’ll choose. Be strong even if you’re not doing the things you want at the moment, don’t worry you’ll get there.

Keep serving the Lord, don’t lose hope, see the beauty in everything and be joyous. I know that life can be hard, it has its ups and downs but like you’re positive younger self, never look on the negative side of things and never let it overpower your happiness.

Love,

Your graduating self.

Tale of a shattered letter

Dear,
I am hurt and heartbroken by this sudden turn of events, but we can’t do anything about it, love is cruel. What I thought was mine suddenly become hers and what I thought was ours suddenly become yours. But please don’t feel guilty about this, I don’t blame you for falling for a different person, after all, our feelings are volatile. I don’t hate you, heck, I can never hate you. You were there in my toughest times, supporting and comforting. You become a shoulder that I can cry on. It’s just that maybe I took advantage of that, thinking that you will be always there for me and that you wouldn’t be able to leave me nor love someone else. Maybe I did this to us. I’m at fault here, I’m too focused on achieving my dreams that I neglected you because I know you’d understand. You did but your heart didn’t.

Dear, this won’t be a letter about me hating and shading you. This is a letter of appreciation, a letter to tell you how grateful I am for the memories that we’ve shared. How thankful I am for the respect and care that you’ve invested in this relationship, that even though you love her, you didn’t cheat on me. Thank you for breaking my heart instead of making a fool out of me. Thank you for not telling me “let’s be friends” because you know that it will only cause more pain and you know that I can’t be your friend at this moment of time. Thank you for loving me, I can’t question that. I know that your heart did beat for me but I also know that it doesn’t anymore. Thank you for being a lesson, and even though I’ve failed this test, I will never give up love. I’ve learned a lot from this relationship and I will treasure all these emotions that I’ve felt whenever I’m with you. This pain is only a sign of learning and growing. So don’t worry about me because I’ll be fine, you know that I was never a weak girl right?

I’m rooting for your happiness and hoping that I would find mine. I’ll be waiting for that time when people ask me “do you still love him?” I would be able to say “Not anymore, I’ve moved on”, and when that time comes I hope that you’ll be there to hear it.

With much care and respect,
Your used to be someone.