Lies, Deception, Betrayal

Why do people lie?

You do good deeds to them but what do the repay you with? Betrayal. How can people have the audacity to deceive those who doesn’t deserve it. How can people who you trust so well, befriended for a long time do cruel things at your back while showing kindheartedness in front of you. Then in the long run twist the story and make you the villain.

Adults, how dare you teach children manners, respect, honesty and integrity when you do not even understand the meaning of it? How dare you tell us that “Honesty is the best policy” when you’re showing us lies, deception and betrayal? How dare you tell us the story of the “Little red riding hood” when you’re showing us the wolf wrapped up in human clothing? How dare you make us believe in fantasies and fairytale then break us with the harshness of reality? How dare you mold us to be an upright person then corrupt our minds when we grow up?

How does humans have the most inhumane characteristic in the world?

Greediness, as a child I was taught that it was never a positive attitude. I was told that kindness to others is a virtue. Growing up, I realized that the words “kindness to others” means being nice in front of them then stabbing them at the back.

I’m nearing the responsibilities and problems that the adults have been facing but I hope to not be like the ones that I’ve mentioned above, I don’t want to be like the ones that I’ve mentioned above.

I know, I’m not really a good person. Despite having a religious name, I have my share of bad deeds but I plan to live by with Tablo’s words,

“Robbing someone’s smile and putting it on your face doesn’t make you happy”. 

Life isn’t just about me. Eternal Life is living for others.

 

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Nugatory

I’m terrified in making mistakes and receiving criticisms because of it. I know that I should suck it up and see my mistakes as an opportunity to be better but that’s not the case, I usually sulk and lost my will and motivation to do things.

This is what I’ve realized just recently, that I’m the kind of person who needs to hear constant compliments, and if I ever hear negative feedbacks about what I did, my world will come crashing down. I find it hard to accept that the thing that I worked hard for hours/days isn’t done correctly. Then I’ll looked back and blame myself for not doing it properly and would waste my time thinking of the excuse that I’ll be using so that my not-so-satisfiable work would be justified. Which I think is not a very nice attitude to have. Let’s just say that I don’t take criticisms very well.

I’m not an overachiever person. If there is any adjective that would best describe my skills it would be mediocre. So I shouldn’t have this kind of thinking, but you see, I deemed myself as a person who wants to be recognized, who wants to be superior, who wants to be on top. Leading to these thoughts of me, being a disappointment.

I see myself as a coward. I’m anxious about the future. I’m scared of the things that may possibly happen. I’m afraid because I made a mistake and I know that I’ll be facing the aftermath of my own doings.

I’m making this look like I did something really bad when it’s trivial, it’s just that my overthinking self starts bothering me again, making me worry even though there’s nothing to worry about. Well it’s okay after letting it all out here (writing), I’ll be fine.

And so, I wanted to be able to change that perspective, I want to be able to accept negative words thrown at me positively. Of course I don’t know where to start, but I would be able to. I hope!

What I’m grateful for this past few days

In life there are a lot of sadness, problems and anger that sometimes we were very focused on those negativity rather than the positive things. So I told myself to start noticing the little things that makes me happy and thankful because we can see the beauty of life/in everything if we look at it on a positive view.

Things that I’m grateful for…

  • My cousins in Manila

I’ve got to bond with my cousins on my Father’s side which happens once in a while and will not happen for a very long time since one of them will go back to Dubai for work so it will be hard for us to meet for a while but at least we’ve got a chance to do something before he goes abroad.

  • 1st year HS classmates mini reunion

I know that the reason why we were able to get together is not something to be celebrated (we meet up because our adviser passed away) but I’m still thankful because we were able to bond, reminisce about the past and catch up with each other.

  • Enlightenment

Some youth in our church (including me) decided to join a youth fellowship and I just feel enlightened, privileged and thankful that I’m in our church after listening to their teachings (I’m not gonna go in full details).

  • A time for schooling rest

I do feel that this past few days was a mini break from school. Classes are suspended because of the typhoon. I feel relaxed in a way since there weren’t any school works to think about, the prelims are over and I love rains especially the sound of it, it’s relaxing.

  • My fangirl heart is happy

I was able to buy the magazine that featured one of my favorite authors, Jonaxx. Though I haven’t found her book (Heartless) under her own imprint (Majesty Press) yet, I’m still happy.

Lesson One: Realization

I’ve realized that evaluating my strength, my weakness, the things that I can and cannot do, is the thing that I hate doing the most.

When I was younger, what do i want to be in life? How do i see myself some years from now? Are the questions that I’ve been dreading to hear. I’ve been thinking that maybe I’m the kind of person who is living the moment, maybe I’m the kind of person who only thinks of what I will do at the present time and think about the future later. Don’t get me wrong I have a dream, it’s just that I don’t really think about these kind of things. I think that’s the reason why I like the song No more dream by BTS. I can actually relate to the lyrics,  It is true that I want a big house, big cars and and other things but in reality I don’t have any big dreams, I mean, I want to be successful and all but I don’t really know what I want to do in my life.

Lately I’ve been thinking about my future a lot, my plans after graduating college, finding a job, being independent. But still, I really don’t know what I should do in my life. Questions like “will this things make me happy if I do it?” comes to mind.

I don’t know, maybe because I didn’t grew up in an unfortunate childhood and I didn’t experience a hard life. But I’m really thankful that even though I didn’t get all the things that I wanted, I have all the things that I needed.